Sabtu, 20 Oktober 2012

My heart is turning to mush.

A very girly day watching the notebook and reading, which I have been obsessed with for the past hour. One thing lead to another and I ended up writing my own. Aimed at no one in particular, odd for me, but generally at the world: 

I wish someone would write about me, for a change. I seem to be the one writing about everyone else, praising the details I love, cursing the details I don’t. And it’s because I think about them. I think about everyone in my life, no matter if I see them every day or once a year, or haven’t seen them in a while. I think about their flaws. I think about their gifts. I decide what I love and what I can’t stand. I have to do this, think everything through. I have to know where I stand, or I’ll go crazy. But I wish there was someone that did this too. I wish I knew they thought about me like I think about them. I wish I was thought of. Most of the time, I think I’m forgotten. There I go again, thinking about what other people think. It’s like I have some uncontrollable need to please people, and at the same time defy their expectations. I guess in some twisted way, I expect them to see what I’m doing, to look at me and just get me. I want them to know me. But I don’t think they do. I’m still waiting for them to catch up.  One person. That’s all it will take. If one person thought about me as much as I think about the world. If one person saw what I am desperately trying to scream in the silence.

I’m here. I’m ready. See me.
Help me defy this world.
Hold my hand.